haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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