i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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