people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
