I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
