Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
