$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
