Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
