I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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