This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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