i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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