I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
