so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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