he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
