Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
