Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
