can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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