She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
