She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
