Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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