Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
