Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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