I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
