last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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