you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
