adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
