roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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