i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
