I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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