i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
