I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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