I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
