why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
