I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
