Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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