there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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