So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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