Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
