Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
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how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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