im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
