we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
