it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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