Can Purell be used as lube?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
