So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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