If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
