I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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