I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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