Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He passed out mid-signature
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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