This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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