My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
