She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i drank out of a bidet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
