yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
