There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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