somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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