thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
