he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
