My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
