Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
