He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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