i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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