Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hippo gnu deer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
