I love black thongs
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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